in the mind of a stunning sociopath

Rofl

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 22:21:04 GMT

lol, so all in all, the last four months have been eventful. on top of having to deal with a crybaby wreck as a boyfriend ive had to put up with other shit.

basically on the 1st of october, ( or the 30th of sept. ) i broke up with nick. now, we agreed to go on good terms, but i completely misunderstood how much of a live wire the guy was. so basically he came to me and said " at 9 am im catching a ride back to T.o with my friend. " fine. i was feeling rather ill and had to go to the hospital in the morning anyways so whatever. i said yeah .
so the next morning he asks me if he can sleep in for 2 hours so hes not tired. i didnt really sleep the next day and went to the hospital tired as fuck, but i didnt feel comfortable with the guy in my house alone, so i reminded him he told me hed be out earlier.

Well doesnt he just stomp around my house like a fucking 4 year old who didnt get his way, whining up and down, calling me selfish because i wanted to make sure there was nothing wrong with me. ffffffff

so he packs his stuff, and leaves threatening to call the cops on me, well ive got more shit on him than he has on me, all i did was throw a rockstar upside his head for good reason. whatever, it doesnt phase me much, i call my aunt and arrange to stay her her house, no biggie. then i try to get online to talk to some people and i cant get in my account, so i go to the hospital with my aunt, then go back home after that. called corey later on in the evening and ask him to look at my computer. Well. isnt my harddrive nowhere to be found. smooth. so i spend a few days getting my stuff back together. not a big deal. finally got it all back, so as far as im concerned he doesnt exsist. harddrives are like under 100$ for alot of space, doesnt hurt me any.

i still dont hate the guy. its against how i work. i just hope that hes happy doing whatever

basically, If you read this journal. hate me all you want. because its people like you, that make people like me have the best stories.

Much love.

maybe we are all just a little bit crazy in the end.

Tue, 22 May 2007 06:27:02 GMT

Well, its been quite sometime since ive posted in here, it isnt like ive been putting it off or anything, ive just been semi busy with home stuff that it slips my mind.. not that i acctually believe anyone reads these anyways, either way, things have been on a rollercoaster of different levels and crap, hard to follow myself evem, though im still goin, i must be tougher than most give me credit for.

Eeeeither way, no worries on my end, everything is slowly getting back to normal. i dont have much to say so ill update someday soon .

Fucking nightmares...

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:00:44 GMT

ok... so i dont think ill be getting any sleep whatsoever...

This has gotten rediculous. everytime i drift to sleep it feels like im falling into a dark hole.. and theres nightmares.. even when im awake.. its retarded. its seemed to have goten worse after my litle incident during Xmas.. but lately its horrible.. i can barely function and ive lost my grip on reality.. everything i do, everything i think, is like a fabrication of reality.. it doesnt seem real at all. none of it does..

Now this may be my transition into insanity.. and if thats the case.. shit i dont know..

All i do know, is im going to lose alot of people i care about. and probably go mad with separation anxiety.. who knows.. all i know is that at this very moment i dont feel grounded to anything at all.. i mean my feelings are all there.. but it isnt normal feeling like this. and i should know..

However, im not saying im going crazy, its merely a discription of the agony im faced with alot lately.. and i would hate it to come between me and the person who matters the most to me..

Bah.. i can think, ill update tomorrow.

Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 23:01:02 GMT

Hmm.. for once i have absolutely nothing to talk about.. which is odd, so here comes another random talk about nothing to make it into something thingie.

Well i havent been sleeping lately, which is odd because i love sleep.. but i barely get any anymore.. i dont think its because i have too much to think about. i dont think its because im stressed. i quite frankly dont have any reason whatsoever for this sleep deprivation.. but all i know is that it is Driving me slowly insane.

now on a completely different note. i want a Wii. Nintendo is beiong really friggen stupid. i suppose its how they make their money.. but only giving about 17 consoles on average to most stores is NOT enough. Technically they get the shipment and from what ive heard sofar, They only last a good hour. Now im not saying this isnt marketing.. but come on. be realistic. People are going to be so sick and tired of waiting and wasting their time trying to find one they are just gonna settle for something thats in stock. ( mainly ps3.) and then the nintendo Wii is doomed. I for one and so sick and tired getting to stores and hearing " sorry we arent going to get another shipment till next week. Bla bla bla" I am getting fed up of always getting there too late.. Course you know most people go there and they are like camping out in front of EB or wherever waiting for the shipment to come. if i had the time to waste id do that too dont get me wrong. but im just sick of this marketing scheme and im quite content with my ps2.

On the other hand i REALLY wanted to play zelda on a wii :(

thats it for now. i cant think.

Valentines.

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 22:07:57 GMT

Well crap. i wanted to find a cute Fur picture of a valentines card to give to my bf.
Seems no one made one and i clearly cant draw.

So ive given up on that front for now.
Technically this isnt even a holiday.
oh well. better luck next year.

Somethin i saw on my bf's LJ lol

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 03:54:22 GMT

if you had a soundtrack yo your life, what would it be?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...

Waking up:: the only difference between maytrdom and suicide is the press coverage. -Panic at the disco.

First Day At School:: Suck my kiss- Red hot chili peppers.

Falling In Love:: Californication - Red hot chili peppers.

Fight Song:: Lies - billy talent.

Breaking Up:: but its better if you do - Panic! at the disco.

Prom:: Lie to me - George

Life's OK:: Stairway to heaven - Led Zepplin

Mental Breakdown:: Living in the shadows - Billy talent.

Driving:: Build god, then we'll talk - Panic! at the disco.

Flashback:: Legend of Zelda theme - System of a down.

Getting Back Together:: the Zypher song - Red hot chili peppers.

Wedding:: Old school Hollywood. - system of a down

Having Sex:: Surrender - Billy talent

Birth of Child:: Holy mountains - System of a down

Final Battle:: Snow - Red hot chili peppers.

Death Scene:: B.Y.O.B - system of a down

Funeral Song:: Tell me baby - Red hot chilli peppers.

End Credits:: Shimmy - System of a down

My Winamp isnt as full as id like it to be, but if you listen to the songs and place them with the situation, i wouldnt have it any other way.

not depressed , for now.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:40:35 GMT

So horray for english, though im sure im like practically fluent in al bhed now. its been a rough couple of days, but alas, ive gotten past it for the time being. what a shitty feeling ive been in these past few days. on the plus side, i talk alot better when im in those states, my thoughts are all thought out in a way that makes me sound as intellectual as i am. So thats a plus. im kinda strapped for time today though, SA office then handing out resumes.... so wish me luck on both.

bah i gotta go.

yet another day of the same useless feelings.

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 13:42:42 GMT

cu oad ykyeh, hudrehk pid yhudran tyo uv icamacc vaamehkc yht druikrdc, drec desa bnajahdehk sa vnus cmabehk yht dra luhcdyhd lralgehk uv drehkc e ymnayto ghuf. Ihvundihydamo edc hud dra Aqbaldydeuh uv cilr drehkc, edc dra mylg drana-uv. Cusadesac fryd echd drana rindc suna dryh fryd lusac haqd, druikr oui fuimthd drehg ed pyt ihdem oui bid suna druikrd ehdu ed.

Druikrd ec y Jano Tyhkanuic drehk. eh vyld, e pameaja ujan 90% uv ymm bynyhuey ullinc palyica uv "Duu silr druikrd". ihmega so bycd dymahd, e lyh hu muhkan cemahla dra bnuttehk juelac yht druikrdc. so seht ec luhcdyhdmo yldeja, sucd megamo du so ufh tecsyo. druikr dno yc e sekrd du nalybdina so bucedeja uidmuug, e ryja vyemat eh tuehk cu.

Draca luhcdyhd tyng druikrdc uhmo naseht sa uv uha desa eh so meva, fyo pavuna dra desa uv "livejournal". yht ihvundihydamo ed byehc sa du najeced ymm draca druikrdc yht funneac, druikr e lyhd tu yhodrehk ypuid ed. edc y crysa ruf draca drehkc fung uid...

Huf cusa fuimt cyo es "ujan-asudeuhym" fryd fedr ajanodrehk dryd rybbahat ujan dra rumetyoc. so byehat mucc yht so ihtancdyhtypma kneav. Pid uha fuimt ryja du vimmo ihtancdyht ajanodrehk e pudr pameaja yht najumja ynuiht, Yht hud ajah e ys lybypma uv luhdnummehk draca druikrdc. e caa hu naycuh fro yhouha cruimt dno aedran. hu uha ihtancdyhtc. hu syddan ruf silr uv ouin bycd oui najaym du dras. hu syddan ruf eh diha oui pameaja du pa.

Huf e ihtancdyht drec cuihtc mega nyhtus pmukehk, Rufajan es sanamo fnedehk drec palyica e tuhd ihtancdyht frydc pavymmah sa, yht xieda vnyhgmo, frah e ryja dra yhcfanc du ymm dra xiacdeuhc. e fyhd du pa ypma du lusa pylg yht yhcfan dras socamv. ev hud ramb bnajahd vidina ullinyhlac. Oui tuhd haat tnikc du taym fedr tabnacceuh.. oui haat yhcfanc. yht frah haedran yna eh cdulg, ymm ouin mavd fedr ec luhviceuh yht bynyhuey.

e fyc mecdahehk du y cuhk dutyo, yht dra vencd janca knebbat sa, hud dra fruma drehk, zicd dra pakehhehk : "ev E cdynd y lussudeuh E'mm uhmo aht ib mucehk oui Yht dryd'c funca"

Jano dnia, hu uha megac tnysy, hud ajah sa. druikr cusadesac, dra druikrdc dryd vmuf eh lyhd pa rambat, druikr oui ghuf vun cina dryd fryd ouin funneat ypuid ec uv meddma esbundyhla, un fuhd ryja dra uidlusa oui funno ypuid ed ryjehk. Rufajan, dra risyh bcolre ec y jano utt yht cusadesac byddanhat drehk. Vun aqysbma, Uha luimt lusbmadamo tecbeca tnysy, Rufajan tia du dra vysemeynedo uv ed, Ica ajanotyo, Ajah seheclima drehkc yht pmuf dras ib, zicd vun dra Vysemmeyn vaamehk uv yhkan yht cydecvyldeuh. Dnidr ec, ev drao beldinat draen mejac fedruid Tnysy, dra luhlabd caasc vunaeh, yht drao yna yvnyet uv dra ihvysemeynedo fedr dra fruma etay.

Fro baubma tu drec du drascamjac, E ryja hu etay, es sanamo yh upcanjan. e tuhd zitka, e ryja hu peyc, sanamo yh upcanjan. hu cyo, rufajan e gaab sahdym hudac uh paryjeuinym byddanhc eh pudr socamv yht dra baubma ynuiht sa. Hud vun yho cbalevel naycuh. Banrybc zicd du keja socamv cusadrehk du lusbyna so yldeuhc yht funneac du. Drana yna syho drehkc eja caah vun cusauha uv so yka, yht vun cusauha du taas sa "ihatilydat eh risyh namydeuhc yht syddanc" ec hud yllabdypma. uh yho vnuhd. druikr e syo hud ryja kuha du clruum vun ed, hun ryja e yddahtat Casehync, eja banleajat yht fydlrat vencd ryht, Frema dra uha drehk tacdnuoehk druca e muja, druca e lyna ypuid ec huikrd pid uha drehk.

Draen Ufh Sehtc.

ed caasc dryd eskyhehydeuh tuachd zicd nih femt fedr lremtnah, Ed zicd fynbc frah oui kad umtan. ed dinhc ehdu y geht uv buecuh. yht dra suna oui nacecd ed, ed caasc du zicd kad edc fung tuha xielgan. Druikr hud ymm uv draca druikrdc yna buecuh, uhmo dra uhac oui syga vun hu naycuh. vun dra cyga uv dra vynsemmeyn Tnysy oui lyhd caas du mad ku uv. Mega y muhk desa vneaht dryd gaabc maddehk oui tufh, yht dinhehk ed uh oui druikr oui pudr ghuf ruf dra ajahdc ihvumtat.

Uh yhudran huda, suna druikrdc dryh draca bmyika so seht, druikr e tu hud ryja yhcfanc vun dra susahd. e femm ca du ed dryd e tu fryd e lyh du bnajahd dras, hud ymm baubma yna cdnuhk. ed dygac syho Vymmc pavuna ouin ytnahemeh gelgc eh yht zisbcdyndc ouin Sudejydeuh yht femmbufan.

Eja mucd syho drehkc eh drec muhk pyddma eja ryt fedr socamv, yht e vayn so seht femm cuuh pa uha uv dras ev es hud suna lynavim.

Hmmm..

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 16:27:33 GMT

Cu E Taletat du Tu Drec Uha eh Ym Prat palyica hud syho baubma dryd ghuf drec mehg femm ihtancdyht ed, druikr e's cina drao femm ymm picd uid y dnyhcmydun eh untan du caa fro eja fneddah ed yc cilr.

Dnidr ec, e'ja zicd knufh nicdo yht syopa baubma cruimth'd Tamja ehdu fryd e's fnedehk eh ybbucat du fryd e's drehgehk, druikr e kiacc e lyh ihtancdyht, e tuhd damm baubma silr uv yhodrehk. yht drydc so ufh vyimd, oui lyhd zicd keja cusauha cikkacdeja muugc yht aqbald dras du ghuf fryd ouin drehgehk, ruf oui vaam.

Cusadesac ed zicd sygac hu cahca, dra ujanframsehk vaamehk uv icamacchacc, dra luhcdyhd nasehtan ouin hud kaddehk yhofrana eh meva, Vayn uv dra uidceta funmt. druikr e esykeha ed fuimt pa aycean ev e ryt y cbalevel ykahty vun socamv yht hud zicd subehk ynuiht ymm tyo. Pid hu uha hudelac. Hu uha dygac dra desa du naymewa dryd e's rindehk yht drao uhmo caa fryd pavymmc sa uh dra uidceta nydran dryd caa drnuikr so crynyta yht lusvund sa dranaeh.

e kiacc drydc dra sayhehk du drec fruma pmuk, ev yhouha fyhdc du dyga dra desa yht vekina uid frydc fnuhk, drao fuhd veht ed rana, uhmo Semt cikkacdeuhc uv dra pekkan bnupmas. e's hud muugehk vun cosbydro, ev e fyc, e fuimt ryja kuha cdnyekrd du druca fru tamejan ed dra sucd. Ehcdayt, e'ja uhmo zuinhymat eh drec vunsyd cu dryd e luimt nalybdina so druikrdc eh y frema yht dnylg dra tacdnildeja yht un luhvicat druikrdc frah e vehymmo veht dra unekeh uv dras. Tuhd bmyo sa vun y vuum, e haatat hud y dnyhcmydun du cumja drec socdano.

Cu e kiacc e ryja "Sudejydeuhym bnupmasc". caasc veddehk. dra uhmo desa e ajan naymmo tet cusadrehk vun socamv fyc frah so pylg fyc du y fymm, banrybc, dra lufyntc fyo uv y vehym yldeuh, rufajan frah ed cruimt ryja ahtat, ed tet hud. yht e's cdemm rana, tacbeda ymm dra naycuhc fro e cruimth'd pa. dra baubma eja rind yht luhdehia du rind, dra drehkc e ryja tuha du rind socamv. dra luhcdyhd byeh. Banrybc ymm ryja cbalevel sayhehk yc du fro drao ryihd sa cu. pid drah ykyeh, banrybc hud. Vnekrdahat yc e ys uv dras drao fuhd mayja, drao ryja sa rumat ib eh y lunhan yht oad drao cdemm rujan, druikr e navica du suja, yht so vyla ec cuygat.

Vun naycuhc e tuhd ihtancdyht, drana ec kiemd nacetehk eh sa. yht druikr e ghuf hud fro ed ec drana. ed navicac du keja sa y kuut ahuikr naycuh. mega y vneaht fru ec syt vun cusadrehk oui tet, druikr oui tuhd ghuf fryd ed ec oui tet. drao fuhd damm oui, cu oui nasyeh lmiamacc yht draen nyka piemtc cmufmo palyica drao Aqbald oui du ghuf. Uh dra udran ryht, drao luimt pa syt yd hudrehk, yht zicd lnyjehk vun dra yhkan yht yna femmehk du tu yhodrehk, cyo yhodrehk. Pmuf ib drehkc dryd banrybc fana sehida frah drao rybbahat du dyga bmyla, Ymm vun dra lyica.

Rufajan, e tu ghuf fryd eja tuha. druikr e uhmo navica du yfghufmatka ed. Syopa vun vayn uv mucc, un netelima. un syopa palyica e socamv vayn fryd eja tuha yht tuhd fyhd du lusa du dansc fedr ed. Yc ed cdyhtc hu uhac paah rind. cu es hud lusbmadamo pahd uid uv cryba ypuid ed.

dranac hu Uha naycuh yc du fro so paehk navicac du lu-ubanyda, yht dranac ymcu hu naycuh du fro es uhmo sudejydat du tu yhodrehk yvdan hekrdvymm, fro e nynamo ayd tinehk dra tyo yht veht socamv uhmo y meddma rihkno yd hekrd, fro e lyhd caas du cryga drec vaamehk uv fundrmacchacc yht mad ed cdub so bnutildejedo ymdukadran. pid drana syo pa y pekkan naycuh, uha e ryjahd vuiht. Banrybc... uha e haat ramb vehtehk..

Banrybc, e haat du veht uha fru lyh ramb sa veht ed. un hud, hu uha ghufc naymmo..

what to do with me.

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 06:08:55 GMT

hmm what DO i do with me.. stuupid me. lol

naw im good. sad i wont be home for xmas though, bah and damn its early, im off to bed ill update tomorrow maybe.

Lovely little tidbit of information.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 23:25:21 GMT

You Are 94% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

You Are 96% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!
Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.
You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting.
You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 3% Selfish

In other words, you're a warm, caring considerate person.
Just make sure to get your way sometimes. There's a fine line between unselfish and pushover.

How Selfish Are You?

You Are 100% Sociopath

You're so manipulative, you could make Hannibal Lector your bitch.
You feel superhuman - and you certainly lack human empathy.

Are You A Sociopath?

You Are 11% Feminine, 89% Masculine

You are totally in touch with your masculine side.
In fact, you probably don't understand women at all (even if you are one!)
Dramatic and emotional behavior turns you off. You rather watch football than deal with drama.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

You Are 72% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at high risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is very likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Sometimes i wonder why i try at all.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 22:59:10 GMT

Alright, so where did i leave off. Hmmmm oh yeah !

2 more tests were conducted because i didnt feel it nessisary to live with someone in bad blood, so the tests were intricate but simple, one was to see if he could keep his mouth shut, so what i did was i told him some bullshit story about wanting a kid, and how isd raise it my myself and whatnot. (Like common people, ) and the other was that i went to find a chat log on the computer of my close friend without his permission and made him promise not to say anything. ( Although i had persmission on acount of He showed me lol ) but the fact remained. keep your mouth shut and maybe earn my trust back faster.

Test one: Failed.
Reasoning: Told not only my good friend but many mutual friends and some of his own.

Anyways this is how it happened... this isnt a long story. he bacically told me to look at something on the computer and did it right in front of me.. to the worst person to tell anything to.. this whore from sudbury he talks to. Now i dont like to say things about people... but this broad is a twat, and ill write a little rant section on her later. But anyways then my friend came to me and told me everything he said and apologised for the way things were turning out, but it wasnt his fault... so i didnt stay mad.

Test two: Failed.
Reasoning: ratted on me first chance he got, not even attempting to keep a promise.

So this isnt long either, i was in toronto when i went to go see chicao (The play, which was freakin awesome! ) and my friend showed me the chat log from the night before where he had told him things i had told him and how he doubted any of my goals would ever get accomplished . i was enfuriated and instead of giving him too much shit, i decided to base my second test on him, so i told him i knew about everything he said, BUT i told him that my friend didnt know i searched for the document on his computer, and that it was a secret. i told him to Promise he wouldnt say anything and he said "Ok No problem" . so i logged off and went to sleep, the next day i came home early in the AM (I had to go to stratford that day.) and i went on my msn. Sure enough i got an email from my friend stating that he plan was a failure, he spilled the beans almost instantly and that once again, he was sorry. i assured him it was quite alright and he told me that he could upload the file if i needed to see it for myself.
*********************************************************

Ok now this is where it gets kind of annoying, i dont understand why i try to forgive people.. \ Within this chat log, he stated to my friend he needed to vent. He then proceeded to complain about me being out with my friend (Now bf) and how i never do anything with him anymore, Also about how i havent done the dishes... now dont get me wrong.. i have NO problem doing dishes.. but when he unanimously decided i was to do the dishes every night i felt a little bit irritated. i have no problem cleaning as long im not the Soul contributer. i refuse to be the only one doing it. and in this particular incident i hadn't been home for any meals in a few days, so all those dishes were his, i told him " Your 26, and im not a slave, wash your own dishes when you finish with them and you wont have these problems." and i walked off because i was going out to see where id be living from then on. but anyways im getting off topic, The log also showed him telling my friend that i saw the file, and that he should be upset with me. so since i didnt need my friend as a agent anymore i blew his cover. i didnt see a purpose to putting him in the middle for too long that shit is annoying.

So now here we are. I dont trust him as far as i can throw the heavyset man and he is still upset and hasnt done his dishes.. its the ONLY part of this appartment thatreally needs to be cleaned ever. so whatever.

*********************************************************

Alright this fucking whore named mel...
this was the most fucked up shit ever, he told her he was like in love with me... and Keep in mind she has a boyfriend and a dude on the side (Cuz thats what whores do) and shes telling him that im not worth it, telling him all this shit and hating on me even though she didnt know me. i got Pretty upset . But hey, who wouldnt someone who doesnt even know ytou talking nothing but bad about you. So anyways shes telling him "Oh why waste your time on her when you can have it all with me" and i raised my eyebrow and looked at my roomate and said She wants to be with you, but Fuck ebverything in sight ? Thats not everything how would you be able to trust her" Obviously she is leading him on and its quite annoying, I had found a document today (Hes under temporary surveilance for now, because i dont want anything i have told him escaping again) and in it she Was saying how she knows what girls like me are like, how we sponge off of other people and then move on. and how we are master liars. now i dont lie anymore. i dropped that habit because it bought me nothing but trouble. And the only reason i have been moving around is because of the drama,. Hell i would love to find one place to stay for the rest of my life but the people i surround myself with are too impossible sometimes and it makes it near impossible to stay there. the drama the lies the rumors i just get the fuck away from it all because i dont respect it. so then he goes on telling her about the wanting a kid thing, which is non of her business and shit and i was upset at that, then he went on to tell her that he would fill her in on whats happeneing when he could.

Now here is a funny thing about humanity... whi is it... that the things that cause you so much tribulation and the habits that enforce them are the only ones you revert to over and over, causeing a constant circle of hurt.. maybe people crave the pain, because its so farmilliar a life without it is an alien concept.

Hmm im getting cramps in my hands.. ill post again tomorrow once i see how everythnin g is going and i rest yet again.

Trust. Everybody wants it, nobody earns it.

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 13:46:00 GMT

Alright... so heres my new rant about trust. Say someone Has a roomate, now they just moved with this person after talking to them for 2 and a half years, expecting to only be there until they get their own place, But Nope, This guy Expects a relationship and Everything that comes with one. But the thing is, one small thing and he tells the BIGGEST hmmm kinda like a secret to someone who doesnt even know the person. that my friends, is what my tribulations have been.

I moved to Burlington Ontario with a friend that i have been speaking with for over 2 years, he knows alot about me, my good and my bad, Pretty much everything. Everything was ok but the guy was needy, (He will remain nameless unless he pisses me off again.) always asking for hugs, kisses etc. Which i thought to be odd for Just friends . But ANYHOW i dealt with it, because last thing i need is to Mess up another place before i even have a chance to get back on my feet. So anyways as things progress he gets more and more "Attached" in a way, So my friend who lives 2 towns over came out to get me and bring me out to coffee so i could Relax and stop worrying about My New Fanboy. (I liek that term lmao) so alls good, i go home a little late, Aparrently i have a cerfew, which i havent had since i lived with my mom so i wasnt used to it NOR was i aware i had one till that Evening. but ok, fair enough, if he has to work i the morning ill come home at a reasonable hour, And i did, but he dont work weekends and stuff so i cn stay out as late as i wanna. So after a few times out with my friend my roomate wants to tag along because of some jealosy reason. i dont wanna be rude so i ask my friend, but neither does he so we said yes, But my roomate was practically asking to feel like the odd man out but hell, thats his problem not mine, he invited himself along. So what happened that night was we ended up Driving to Niagra, and seeing all the tourist Area.
Now ANYONE who knows me knows my obsession with John Cena from WWE's monday night Raw. and there was a WWE store there that i went directly into. Seeing the cena T shirt i looked at both my friends and asked if one could buy it for me and id pay them back when i had my own things worked out and my debts payed off.. Now i KNEW for a fact my roomate did NOT have the money to spend carelessly on T shirts. Expecially for me and My friend knew that as well. so he offered first and my roomate pulled a tantrum and walked outside. after everything was done We walked around the Area and stopped at a dennys. roomate still bitter because my friend got the t shirt wont eat nothing but i gave him half my food cuz he was eyin it. So owell, but anyways the bill comes and he said he was going to pay for it... once again dont have the money for it and makes a big deal later on ill get there in a moment.

So we end up Driving back to burlington and my rooamte looked tired and whatnot so i told him we would drop him off and id be home later seeing as i was hyper as hell for getting a new t shirt. so we get back to the apartment building and my roomate opens the car door, looks at me and says "can you come talk to me" and i look back at him and ask if we can talk when i get home, seeing as i didnt want to make a scene in front of my friend, He turned to leave the car and said "No" just straight up like that and in the Rudest tone then he slammed the car door shut, i looked at my friend and apologised and told him to hold my sweater cuz id be back in a second.

i walked up to my roomate and he says " your wearing it" and i looked down at the John Cena t shirt and Raised my eyebrow and replied, its john cena of course im wearing it. and he went on about how he was upset i idnt let him buy it for me, i told him he dont have the money to throw around on everything i point at and say i want. and he said something about me being his girlfriend and i just turned and walked back toward the car and stated i wasnt his girlfriend, that the fact he even said that pissed me off because he had been acting childishh over me NOT letting him buy me something. i got in the car and me and my friend went to a tim hortons where the phone rang numorous times, Every time was him , Trying to talk me into going home early but because i was upset i refused and told him id talk to him later, he called back then apologising and whatnot. Which i dont much go for , he was acting like a child again so my friend got fed up and turned his phone off. seeing as it Was his phone i didnt argue, and we sang to system of a down for a good couple hours. i just pretty much needed to get my frustration out. and once again anyone who knows me knows i Absolutely love system of a down.

So i get home and he told one of his friends about something i told him never to tell anybody, all because he was mad at me for not letting him buy me the shirt, i freaked out and sat in the bathroom and refused him entry as i tried calming myself down... how does someone just out and say something like that.. let alone freak out about me Saving him money. i went to bed and went out with my friend again the next day. around 9:30 his phone rang and it was my roomate again, asking wether or not i was comming home soon, i said id be home around 11 and told him id see him later. me and my friend parked across the street from my building and turned off his car and started jamming out to system of a down again... before we knew it it was like 11:30 and the only way i figured that out was because my roomate was outside the car window tapping on it. all the singing had fogged the windows up, so i wiped the window and looked at him and rolled it down a little and asked him what he wanted, he said nothing but "i knew it" and paced back and forth for a while returning to the window every so often. and then eventually walking away. My friends phone rang no more than 30 seconds later and i answered it. he went on about how he was walking around the car to make sure it was his but saw the windows fogged up. he was upset cuz he thought me and my friend were like makin out or whatever but he didnt even let me tell him what happened, But anyways hes making a big deal and im like it doesnt even really matter im not dating you anyways, and i got mad and hung up thephone, he called back and we talked for about 5 minutes saying the same things to eachother as we just had and whatnot. so we hung up and my friend turned his phone off again as not to have mis minutes pointlessly wasted.

Hmmm... kinda forgetting when this story ends... ill end it now i ont feel like typing alot but ill update it soon enough when i have had more sleep and whatnot.

moral of the story is that i cant trust him and hes been a kissass ever since i found out he told his hooker friend about stuff.

Trust is like a one way door, if you get kicked out of the door you cant get back in. im tired of giving second chances to people who dont deserve it. And since that incident there have been 2 other "Tests" i set up. he failed them both, opening his big mouth again and again... so now i have not only no trust, but no respect for him at all.

No comments please, id hate to have to write another one about people who like to write stupid shit in my comment boxes and think they are so much better than i am.

Alright you sucky losers.

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 00:48:29 GMT

Ok.. First off, if your going to write something completely rude for no reason whatsoever then please man up and dont say your anonymous... if i was going to say anything rude about you id sure as shit let you know whos badtalking you but i guess people just have no class anymore...

all these ppl say is "yeah you can trust me" or "my word" or " im all about respect if im going to say something id say it to you not behind your back"

but do they? do they really? no way in hell because no matter what almost every person you know is more two faced than they seem.. unfortunately its the society we live in so it cant be helped.. but all i ask, is that if your going to say something rude about me.. let me know who you are so i can deal with you personally.. because only someone completely afraid of consequences will hide behind the "Anonomus" tag

Wow.... hehe Flops ears

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 12:39:01 GMT

Well.... seems my moms been reading my livejournal... Guh. thats an intresting twist.. But none the less im not going to hold anything back. Its better for my mother to find things out through here anyways.... cuz i sure as shit cant tell her... lol

Good News !!!

I got a job at a temp agency instead of that bullshit i was talking about earlier... i wasnt thinking and i happened to take a walk by there and filled out an application.. woot.
payed every friday and it pays bette than my petland job... (For the record they sucked ass)
So im happy!

Related news,
Moving to stratford on the 21st of thi month... back to ontario and as for the comment on my other blog No... i will never live in sudbury again.. That place is filled with too many crooked people.. And two faced liars i will not put myself in that kind of situation. Visiting Yes of course.. family is there how could i not and the few people who i love are there as well. i cannot make them suffer for a few handfulls of individuals who dont know what they are thinking half the time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~

Okie dokie... this is where i would usually rant... but i cant find the reason or motive right now.. So i wont hehe

umm... yeah many days pass and im still speechless... i hope the news of my doings have calmed some nerves..

Love me ahha !

deprivational settings lol

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 20:13:01 GMT

so. the "awesome dude" wont return my calls... or talk to me much for that matter... owell. its been awhile since i put anything serious into this livejournal so here i go lol.
i have learned through my many days and a year since last year not to pine over guys who dont call me back, aknowledge me etc. so i am officially in neutral, i mean dont get me wrong i care for him and all but when i miss his call the second i find out im redialing... but not anymore... maybe it'll teach him a lesson or two in how to treat a lady.. ( though that i may not be bear with me haha ) thats all im willing to say on that topic..
on another note it was my sisters birthday yesterday. and i called her using a calling card and i have never heard her soo happy to talk to me lol.. i miss her terribly and havent been able to do anything to stop missing my family... its weird... while i was there i felt as if i didnt need them but now that im far away i need them more then ever... odd lol

i picked up a new language.... stupid as it may sound i have learned Al bhed.... me being an avid gamer it seems that i was intrigued with this " fictional language" and i have made it a daily routine... as not to lose it... next step is learning proununciation but ill need a playstation for that. soon... im going job searching tomorrow for a new job... i got fired for haveing wet pants after it rained when i came in from my break... Oh no you might say... bullshit i say... bullshit indeed.. i care not. they lost the most hardworking employee that they ever had and i hope they learned their lesson in how NOT to let employees go. i hope that their building gets robbed.
anyways i am in a good mood today so i wont dwell on their intolerance of moral fibre. it seems something else has been peaking my intrest as of late and it has nothing to do with a boy... figures i have been reading an online comic and its japaneese anime (go figure) and i cant seem to stop reading it...i started a few days prior and already am at 710. though it is quite hard to follow at times i think Piro is a talented artist and he already took hold of it... but i find myself aquiring the traits of some of his characters as i often do with most manga i read... lol

anyways jason will be home soon and i want to make sure this place isnt a mess.

Love me to peices i desperately need it .

lol awesome sheet:O

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 15:41:48 GMT

im in calgary Wewt!

i met this awesome dude lol hes teachin me how to drive ahha !
hes sooo awesome... but i gotta get ready for work

prolly the last time i go to my dads

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 05:48:37 GMT

these kids are retarded... this as i said in the title is prolly the LAST fuking time i go to my dads... like i know little kids bug their big sisters... but shit like stealing my stuff, thats too far like i dont care how cool you think you are and its not like i can do anything id rather not have to explain the death of a kid you know.. fuck there is no way im raising my kid like this... never... and fuck this place im never comming back i cant take it

BLAH!!!

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 03:56:19 GMT

im so fucking busy... like shit nigga's i have no time for me n e more... makin money... savin it up..
( though tempting it is lol ) and shit like that im overwhelmed with emotions... and im soo tired i could fall down and go into a coma.. haha no lie.. but n e whoo just a quick update and shit....

love me cuz i know im loveable =)

Happy 2006!!!

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 07:52:55 GMT

ahha! new place... no drama... this i could live with... now im sure most of you have ben keeping up wioth my system, ( rant, happy, meh , happy, rant)but im here to dsay that this is a new year... a stong year... a year to meet new ppl anf have more to rant on... more intellectual raning! more promises!... wow do i ever sound like a liberal! all they have been doing is FCKting with my tax money! lol... no but when i do pay taxes they will be there with their hands in my pocket as they run off on the vacation i long to afford.. lol.... but n e whoo its late... im pissed and tired and i dont wanna start up until tomorrow...

love me though im stubborn as hell;)

angel losing sleep...

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 00:56:58 GMT

man.. no sleep is killin me... i feel soo bad because i always tell my baby that ill be on at a certaint ime.. and i show up late... but this time he told me a certain time and im waiting.. and now i know how he feels..:( i feel like an idiot..

New Years Update!!!!

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 21:00:18 GMT

Hey! Happy N/Y and shit... hahah everybody get tanmked and reminiss about the year gone by.... and for thoise who dont remember most of it (liek me) Party till yer booty falls off... and give out a drunken callout to your bitches and hoes lmao!... but on a serious note... yeah party that was supposed to happen aint n e more so imma get tanked at home lol. and dont get me wrong it may seem bunk but u r more comfortable doing shit at yr own house... and n e one who says diff can suck it... cuz u got the drunken jusrisdiction ahha! but yeah... so i live in spanish now.. whoot go me... close to where i used to live on a farm sumwhere near massey... i like it out here cuz no fucking ppl piss me off everyone is like right nice"D, so here i am... prepping for the N/Y with my new friends and hoping that i get soo drunk i dont remember a thing"D.. (cuz thats how it should go lol) im not much for reminissing either.. on account of this whole fucking year has been next to shit for me though i dont mind it/.. seems to come my way n e ways lol im used to dealing with it although i cant deal with everything so smoothly lol, and on a different note humanity has made me lose all hope in it.. partially because of all the stupid shit ppl these days seem to be doing... but because lots r willing to undergo things for a cause that isnt right to begin with.. but meh.. once again im listening to system of a down.. its not like u can hear it but im very into it ... lol... and u will have to imagin for a bit. or get the cd out... one of the two lol.. but im out for now.. sent the bf to the store for booze and im impatient lol... silly me/..
n e ways happy N/Y everyone!!

love me;)

stubbborn ppl make me lose faith in humanity..

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 00:44:21 GMT

now dont get me wrong... being stubborn is great and all... but u know the ppl who stress themselves and you out by whining and bitching to know sumthing about u... and although u know yourself better than n e one, you cant talk them out of trying to want to know everything... u tell them u dont like talking about it... u try giving them the cold shoulder... but nothing workd and its pretty much pointless.. and then... in my case 2 and a half weeks later, they find out pretty much just the beginning... and it isnt what they wantedt o hear... so they act all like... "well now things r different i dont think i can be with u n e more" bullshit..i mean... i hate drama... which is y i have given up all hope on my gender... and i hate cry babys even more at that... and when the two come together its enough to make me want to put a gun in my mouth... but on a serious note guys like this are by the dozen... and although i have been looking for a MATURE relationship i end up with guys who dont know what the fuck they want and take it out on me... once again... thinking i can be tamed... well FCK that shit... im no fucking house cat.. im a fox... and we r wild and do what we like.. and another thing i hate... nnow im ranting cuz the dumb fuck that sumhow managed to make me his "GF" (god knows how).. has done so... and made me talk about "me"... now i have been undergoing my own kind of therapy and shit... and i have come to the conclusion.. that almost 2 years of progression has all fallen and i have become the once vengeful, spiteful.. depressed being i once was... all because this fucking loser wanted to talk about my past... although if im correct... he told me what happened in my past dont matter to him... .. and he knows i have no other place to go... so hes pretty much using that against me and shit... not a very wise and or tactical move on his part... but then again... his gender caused the fall of man.. so what more is to be expected... and whats worse... hes a sucky baby... i mean not everything is happy... but crying for an hour while im ignoring him for being a selfish fucking idiot dont make much sense... admit ur wrong fuckbag... dont make it more drama and bullshit cuz im not forgiving shit... maybe if i undergo all that progress... then perhaps i will be capable...
alot of unforgivable shit has past thru my life... and i Was fully capable to forgive up until recently... this certain sum one cried his way into the pity i subdued and got me to spill... but didnt want to hear the rest cuz it wasnt nice... like im sorry i had a bad life but to freak out on me for it?... BULLshit if i have ever encountered any.... and whats worse... now hes acting like what he thinks is a mature adult.. and i mean maybe in his head... but to me hes acting once again.. like pat... a 2 yr old who cries when he dont get his way.... sure this shit may be hurtfull... but think about the state im in for a second... there in no way that i can subdue All of that back where i once had it... i mean if i could i wouldnt be writing this in such a spitefil manner.... in fact i wouldnt be here id be sumwhere else... doing sumthing progressive like making friends or finding another place that isnt dramatic to stay... i mean sure... i have been around drama... but after last month... i have grown tired of it... no matter... i will be back with an update to my new where abouts soon enough..

dont tread on my u'll lose ur foot..

DANE ON SNL:O:O:O:OO:O:O:

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 18:46:36 GMT

DANE....SNL..... Perfection man.... OMG files... in justice:O
hahahhaa i cant wait:)
i need cable:(

dwelling in the past may be the end f me..

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 13:39:47 GMT

i havent slept at all last night.... havent slept much in the past week acctually... still thoughts of him reoccour more than id like to admit... lost him to god knows what and just now is it hitting me the hardest... missing him.. wanting him.... in a way almost a dormant depending feeling in the pit of my stomach.. 4 days..
am i so dislikeable... 4 days..? whatevr had i dont to deserve this... no reason nor explination given.. nothing i could do....
up and left like the wind...
like nothing happened...
and yet he knows nothing about how i feel... and cares not ...
so painfull... looking into his eyes with tears in mine....
seeing how much he wasnt affected by my pain....
brushed off... un wanted....

4 days....

sorry... confusion dwells on the inside and attempts to make sense but is failing terribly....

..as i have also done...

** shakes head..**